Masculine Marauders No More
by whatitdobootydoo
Summary: When the Marauders get into trouble for biased behavior, they are sent to a woman's appriciation class. Will they finally learn the errors of their ways? Or will they be turned into a manbeater gang?
1. The Beginning

**Author's Note: **Yups, a new story! Now some of you are probably thinking, "Why don't you hurry up and write new CHAPTER? Why? Well...because it's really hard for me to maintain a story, that's why I have a bunch of funny, yet short stories. Makes things a lot easier. And after a while, things just get boring if it's on one subject. But this might be good, I repeat...MIGHT

Enjoy!

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**Masculine Marauders No More**

"I didn't mean too professor, it was an accident!" Sirus Black pleaded to a very angry Professor Holles, who ran the Muggle Studies class.

"Mr. Black, the word 'accident' is not in your vocabulary." Holles crossed her arms and stared back at the Marauders, looking overeach onelooking for an appology of some sort. She didn't get one."Miss. Jones isvery distressed and upset, and you seem to show no concern what-so-ever for her health or her mental state. Of course, that was evident when you decided that the idea of 'pantsing' her was a good one."

Sirius grinned sheepishly. James gave a thumbs up. Remus sat there, once again, the victim of just being in Sirius's area. Peter probably didn't even know there was a problem, which is why he spoke. Not a good idea on his part, for of course, he had no idea what the next sentence could cost him and the others.

"What's the big deal?" he asked as if it was obvious. "She's obviously over-reacting like a girls do."

Holles got up in Peter's face. "Over-reacting? You might be able to say that, if you hadn't then pulled her shirt off!" Sirius and James snorted. When they told Peter about the idea, he seemed eager about it. When they snuck up and pantsed Josie, he followed and pulled off her shirt. In the confusion that would follow, Peter would delcare that there was such a thing as 'shirtsings' and that he was so far, the best. Sirius would than decide that the act had been a good one and would put her shirt up a tree and later plead that he was just trying to make the tree feel comfortable and fit in.

"I personally think Peter's right. Besides, it wasn't as if the girl was thinking anything." said James. "Everybody knows that girls don't think."

He shouldn't have said that.

"You shouldn't have said that," whispered Remus. Holles swelled up, for she was a woman and did think, in fact,she thoughta most devious thought.

"Indeed, you shouldn't have." said Holles, who was red in the face. "You boys obviously have no respect for females at all! I'm putting you in a new program that the Headmaster has been discussing about for quite sometime now..." she trailed off as she pulled out papers.

"A program? Like an all boys club?" asked Peter. James snickered.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, Wormys?" he said.

"Well...yeah."

"EW! Peter! I'd watch out Remus!" Sirius teased. "His bed is right next to yours!"

"I didn't mean it like that!" Peter protested.

"We're gonna have to hold him back in the showers, otherwise he-"

"SILENCE!" yelled Holles. The teenagers quit talking. and stared at the professor, who was now handing out a schedule.

"SAC?" asked James as he looked over his peice of paper.

"Sex Apprciation Class." explained Holles who started going into a detailed account of it's values.

"Sex Appriciation Class?" whispered Sirius to James. "Now that I could do!"

"AHEM!" Holles cleared her throat. "That is exactly the kind of remark that got you into this mess. For the next month,three days a week for two hours you will meet in a group of other boys exactly like you. Some very talented women will than teach how to appriciate females better. By the end of it, you should all be perfect gentlemen."

"But Professor!" said Sirius."Peter can't be gentle! Not if he wants to-"

"QUIET!" Roared Holles. "You will be meeting Monday, Thursday and Saturday for the next month at 5:00. Now, leave my office!"

The Marauders were suddenly gone, walking down the hallway back to the Common Room.

"Well," said Remus. "This should be interesting."

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I know, I know, not much funny? Wait till they're in the group! PROMISED TO BE HILARIOUS! If you liked Merciful Marauder's Advice Column, you'll like this!

**REVIEW YOU WORTHLESS DOGS!**


	2. Identification

**Author's Note: **Well I was happy to see that there were a bunch of reviews waiting for me silently in my mailbox, it was even greater because I forgot I wrote it! LOL

LSJ4ever or whatever your name is, I watched Moulin Rouge a week ago and I must say that now I love that song I had no idea Ewan had such a beautiful voice! LOL!Good job on the song, sorry about it getting booted off.

ENJOY PANSIES!

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**Identification**

Frita pointed to the chalkboard which depicted two stick figures, one boy and the other a girl. She indicated the boy and was going on about man problems. The Marauders sat back hunched in their chairs with a couple of other boys who obviously didn't care about women. About two were actually paying attention and nodding in aggrement and understanding.The rest were nodding off to sleep.Sirius of course, could not sit still longer than a minute. The three women were actually kind of nice, but Sirius didn't care. Everytime they'd ask him a question, he'd just glare at them, as if willing them to explode...or burst into the cancan.

"Well, Sirius, what have you learned?" asked Ginger, the 'emotions' specialist, whowas about as smart as a bag of doorknobs.

"I learned..." started Sirius, grinning. "Not to stick my wand in my back pocket because it'll-"

"Okay," Ginger stopped him hastily."that's enough." She motioned the two others, Frita and Helena into a group huddle. A couple minutes went by in which some boys asked Sirius for an autograph and James gave Peter a wet willy.

"Okay," said Helena, pulling out a basket. "Let's try some identification. I'm going to pull out some objects and we'll go around the room and see if you know what they are. Understanding what women have is the first step to understanding women. Now I want you all to pass the objects around the room and tell us out loud what you think it is." She pulled out a strange object and handed it to Roy, a fourth year in Ravenclaw. The boy studied it and looked it over. The object he held was a tampon, which he obviously didn't know.

Roy: A magic marker?

Billy: An earplug?

Peter: A dead mouse that James and Sirius slap me with.

"That's a fish you idiot!" Sirius called from his chair. "We slap you with a fish!"

Remus of course knew what it was and the women told him not tell. He passed it to James.

James: I know! It's a...um...secret...uh, thing! Yeah!

Sirius: I DO know idiot. It's in their purses. It's something they can shove up an enemy's nose so they have time to run away.

Jim:...is it a time machine?

The women sighed and geustered to Remus.

"It's a tampon you guys. You know, it, well...uh...well I don't know what it's FOR, but I knowwhat it IS."

Helena rolled her eyes and handed a bra to Roy.

Roy: A mouse trap?

Billy: A fruit basket?

Peter: Something the guys put over my head?

Remus: A mask?

James: Naw, course not, it's an over the shouldar double barrled bouldar holder!

Sirius: No, it's a magic boobie maker!

Jim: Yeah! It's a bra.

"Oh my," said Frita. She turned toward the others. "Should we continue?"

"I think it's worth a shot. These are some pretty ignorant boys, but we'll break 'em!" said Helena.She got out the last item. It was a cell phone. Of course it wouldn't work in Hogwarts but the boys would, _should_be able to tell what it was.

Roy: A pretty rock?

Billy: A tennis ball?

Peter: Something else the guys can shove down my throat?

Remus: A metal...metal...uh, well...it has metal in it!

James: I should know this...I should know this...

Sirius: "It's a horrible brain eating ear worm!" he tossed it near Wormtail who screamed like a little girl.

"Well, at least Peter is more feminine than the rest of you." said Ginger.

"That's not a good thing." said Remus

"I KNEW IT!" shouted Sirius, jumping up on his chair and attempting the cancan.

"Get down from there you little heathen!" screamed Frita who had lost it. Sirius skipped on over to another chair and started dancing Michael Jackson's Thriller. Frita took out her wand. Sirius screamed and ran over to Peter, who he just slapped in the face for no apparent reason, than over-turned his chair and hid under it.

"Hey look at me guys! I'm a turtle!" he said gleefully. The Marauders laughed. Frita stomped toward Sirius but Helena and Ginger stopped her. Helena shoved her out the door but not before handing her the tampon. By now, the other boys had all lined up to do the cancan and Sirius was still under the chair, growling and reaching out to grab Peter's ankles.

The two women ran to their desk. "Whaty should we do?" asked Ginger worridly.

Helena looked up at the clock. "Only-wait? We shouldn't let them walk all over us!"

"Well actually, James is walking all over Billy, not-"

**_"SILENCE!"_** she yelled. The boys immediately stopped. For of course, it was in caps,bold, italicized and underlined. They knew better than to mess with that. Helena paused and looked over each boy.

"RAR!" growled Sirius as she grabbed her ankles from under the chair. She stepped on his hand, which immediately retreated.

"100 points from each house!" she said calmly, and downstairs, the hourglasses drained. The boys faces drained as well. 100 points? Never again would they mess with this woman. At least not the boys who weren't Marauders. "You are dismissed. Same time this Thursday. Bring some kleenex, we'll be watching tear jerkers." She pulled out some books as the boys lined up. "These are romance novels, which you'll be expected to have read by Saturday. You will present a report on them. Class dismissed!"

The boys filed out in a straight line chatting and skipping off to their next classes. Sirius would be late of course, because he would be trying to fit the chair through the doorway...

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Fanfic is doing this weird thing where it will shove words together. I apologize for that in the last chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!

**REVIEW YOU FLAKES OF SOAP-SCUM ON THE SIDE OF MY TUB!**


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